


Ana

by LovelyJehan



Series: Ryan/Brendon/Dallon Poly Fics [10]
Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Eating Disorder, Established Relationship, Kinda Fluffy, M/M, Mental Illness, Multi, Personification of mental illness, Polyamory, Post-split panic, Some angst, tw: anorexia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2018-11-16 06:17:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11248026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovelyJehan/pseuds/LovelyJehan
Summary: It had been years since Ryan had felt like this.





	Ana

**Author's Note:**

> Just to be clear the personification of the mental illness is from the third person narrator's point of view, NOT a fragment of Ryan's imagination. 
> 
> Loosely inspired by a fic I read on LJ

It had been years since Ryan had felt like this. Inadequate. Worthless. Disappointing. Unattractive. _Fat._ It was hard not to think like that when his boyfriends were on tour together, leaving Ryan seemingly all alone. Except that he wasn’t alone. He had Ana. Ana had been a friend for most of his teenage years, and had stuck around for the first few months of tour. Then Ryan got close with Brendon and Ana had packed her bags and left. Ana still hadn't shown up when he left Brendon and met Z, and Dan, and Alex, and Langley, and the others. 

Instead, Ana began to reappear when Ryan started to date his boyfriends. She was never around when they were, but once they left Ana would invite herself in and stay until the boys came back. Ryan wasn’t sure what he thought about Ana, most of the time he appreciated her, believed her when she said he was looking a little too pudgy. Today was one of those days. Ryan looked in the mirror and heard Ana in his head, _‘You had too much to eat yesterday, Ry. Perhaps you shouldn’t have anything today.’_ And as usual Ryan agreed.

Ryan knew that Ana would be leaving soon, his boyfriends were due back in the afternoon. By then Ana would be long gone.

Except for the fact that Ana was still with him that morning. She sat with him as he tried to force down an egg on toast. She was by his side when he scraped the mostly untouched breakfast into the bin. She comforted him when the room was spinning and he had to close his eyes, promptly falling asleep. 

~*~

Brendon and Dallon arrived home to silence, both unaware of Ana’s presence. They set their suitcases against the wall of the front hallway. The house seemed dark and empty, the plate in the sink was the only indication that Ryan was there. No words were spoken as the two of them trekked up the stairs to their bedroom.

A body lay on top of the covers. Petite, paper thin. Skin pale and taught around a skeleton of a man they loved. Ana watched on, standing in the space between bed and wall. Brendon shook Ryan awake, holding his breath. Unsure that Ryan was alive. Eyes of amber blinked up at them, sighs of relief flowing from his and Dallon’s mouths.

“You’re back,” Ryan stated dumbly. “Hi, baby,” whispered Dallon as he sat on the bed and swiftly moved Ryan into his lap. Dallon could feel the bones in his body, could see the outlines of them under his shirt. A living skeleton.

“When was the last time you ate, Ry?” Brendon asked in a nervous and quiet tone.

“This morning,” He stated, eyes narrowing at the other man. “Why’d you ask?”

“Just worried about you. I can see your bones again.” Ryan didn’t reply, Ana congratulated him. His boyfriends seemed less inclined to do so, it made Ryan crave for their praise. Brendon clambered on the bed and sat on Ryan’s other side, taking his shirt off. Dallon gave him a stern look.

“What?” Brendon cried defensively, “it’s hot in here!” Dallon and Ryan rolled their eyes in perfect unison, causing Brendon to raise his arms in a mocking surrender. Ana seemed unfazed from her standing position at the end of the bed. Ryan shivered.

“Are you cold, Ry?” Dallon asked gently. Ana shook her head in warning, “N-n-no,” he stuttered. Dallon and Brendon shifted closer to him anyway, sandwiching Ryan between them. “Love you,” Dallon murmured sleepily into Ryan’s hair.

“Love you, too,” he replied, snuggling into the warm embrace of his boyfriends. Brendon whispered the words to them before they all fell asleep, and for a while it seemed that Ana had gone.

Ana came back later that evening. Dallon and Brendon hadn’t eaten anything since their flight, so rather than cooking they decided to order pizza. Ana told Ryan that he had to eat something so that his boyfriends wouldn’t suspect anything. He could throw it back up later. They had bought Ryan’s favourite, and his mouth watered at the tantalising smell of a somewhat decent meal. He tried to eat slow, small, cautioned bites of his slices, unlike Brendon and Dallon who seemed to have inhaled theirs.

Ryan excused himself from the meal after a few slices, retreating to the bathroom where Ana would be waiting. He stuck two of his long, slender fingers down his throat to trigger his gag reflex - Ana smiled down at him. Ryan spluttered and coughed and retched as he tried to get the calorie-filled dinner out of his body. He dried heaved first, then the contents of his stomach came up and out of his mouth, Ana rubbed his back. Then Ana fled the room, as two very concerned looking boyfriends opened the door and stared at him. Ryan looked like a deer caught in headlights. 

“My poor baby boy,” Dallon said, empathy dripping from his lips. He crouched down next to Ryan, pulled him into his lap and tore off some toilet paper to wipe around Ryan’s mouth. Ryan cried and shook like a leaf as Dallon held him. 

Brendon took Ryan’s toothbrush and squeezed some toothpaste onto it, he left the toothbrush on the basin. He went downstairs and cleaned up the mess of pizza boxes, taking his growing anxiety about Ryan and propelling it into helping to the make the atmosphere comfortable for the inevitable talk. Brendon could hear the muffled noise of the tap turning on, and his heart began to break as he remembered when Ryan had dealt with this before.

After he heard the tap shut off, he let Ryan and Dallon have time to move to the bedroom before he walked up the stairs with some water and a granola bar. Ryan was shaking, and pale as beads of sweat formed on his forehead, Dallon sat behind him almost holding the other boy up. “Here, Ry,” Brendon held out a bottle of water. 

Ryan took it with trembling hands, shakily lifting it to his mouth, swallowing the cool liquid. He felt it make its way down into his stomach, the temperature of it settling his stomach. He passed the bottle back to Brendon, who replaced the cap and set it on one of the side tables. Ana sat watching them. “Do you want to try eating something?” Dallon asked softly, noticing the bar in Brendon’s hand. Ryan shook his head, and Brendon placed the item on the beside table before crawling into bed. Dallon moved closer to Ryan’s other side, and they enveloped him in their embrace. After a few shaky breaths, Ryan fell asleep.

~*~

When Ryan woke up it was to Brendon tracing patterns onto his forearm. He blinked, then yawned. “Good morning, sleepy head,” Brendon exclaimed, cheerily. “Morning Bren.” 

“Dallon’s making breakfast.” He said, “We need to talk.” Somewhere Ana was laughing at Brendon, and Ryan desperately wanted to tell her off, but she had been such a good friend that he couldn’t bring himself to do it. As Ryan attempted to protest Brendon picked him up in a swift movement and carried him downstairs.

There was an array of food on the table. Pancakes, bacon, fruit that Ryan had suspicions of Dallon putting out specifically for him. Syrup, toppings. Ryan felt overwhelmed. Ana sat on the kitchen counter. Watching. “Ry, how much have you been eating?” Dallon asked, calculatedly. “I’ve been eating plenty, Dal,” He laughed. 

“So if you were to eat now, it’d be a satisfactory amount?” Brendon asked with a raised eyebrow. “I,” Ryan looked at the ground, and shook his head slightly. His hair fell, and covered his face which was beginning to be stained by tears. Ana was laughing at him.

“Could you try eating a little bit for us, baby? We won’t force you, but I also think it’s best you go back to therapy again,” Dallon trailed off. “I, I could try. I guess.” 

“That’s all we’ve ever wanted, baby boy,” Brendon said, enveloping the boy into a hug. “Do you want me to feed you some. I’ll stop when you tell me.” Ryan nodded, and Ana began packing her bags. 

**Author's Note:**

> [come talk to me](https://naughtyryro.tumblr.com/)


End file.
